‭Dating, Dress Rules and Notes to Self

Maybe its a southern thing or maybe just a "me" thing, but as I go about my daily business, I tend to dress a little on the casual side, especially when I'm not working or due to go anywhere I deem "special". Let me explain . . . there are times when I just don't feel the need to get dressed with full makeup when I'm running to the local grocery store, gas station or the gym. I feel that this is a "waste" of makeup, wear on my "good" clothes and that my day to day errands can be done in a pair of tennis shoes. Pop on a trucker hat and I'm out! I've heard of this type of behavior referred to as "roll and go"--roll out of bed and go out the door!

This doesn't mean that my clothing is torn, the front of my shirt is smeared with an unclassified substance, or things are mis-matched. It just means, I quickly go into the building for a purpose and not intent on socializing. I call it, "Being invisible". I even get treated as if I'm not seen! It's an unspoken "code" that others pick up on. And to make an excuse for my lack of makeup, I act as if I'm either running to or from the gym. I pull down the hat brim, don my favorite aviator sunglasses  and slather on the lipstick.

There's nothing wrong with a little casual dress to go to the store for a quick trip. Our clothing "rules" are so relaxed that we are wearing pajamas to the grocery store and shower sandals to places other than the locker room. But what if you want to look your best? I mean, everything has it's intended purpose, but where does "casual wear"end and "date wear"begin?

For dating and dress, I have my own little checklist of dos and don'ts:

Back in the 80s when I was dating in high school or college, I took hours getting ready. Everything had to be in place--every crease right, every color coordinated. And 9 times out of 10, my dates would look as if they took a minute or two as well to look in the mirror on the way out. Then a few years ago when I was in the California dating scene, my whole idea of "getting ready for a date" was turned on it's axis. After spending all AM getting scrubbed and dressed for a PM date, I walk into a nice restaurant greeted by my blind date wearing a Hawaiian shirt, baggy shorts and, oh yeah, shower sandals--the (un)official uniform of southern California. If I'd known this, I would have skipped shaving my legs. Yes, definitely skipped the razor in the shower, but kept the shoes. During my entire meal, I was forced to watch my date's hairy toes wiggle and snag on the table linens while eating my desert.  Note to self: No matter how cute you think your feet are--flip flops are not the dating footwear of choice when eating Creme Brule.

Since that date didn't go as planned, I thought I'd take my mother's advice: Meet your potential mate at church. Since the current attendees at my place of worship weren't working out, I decided to switch the scenario a bit. The next time the online dating service matched me, I would have him meet me at church. Clever, right? As a little girl who got dressed up from head to toe to go to church, I once again prepared to hear something holy in my finest "Sunday Go To Meeting" clothes while staring into the eyes of my new love. I could hear the jealous whispers now!  I waited outside on the steps of the church for about 20 minutes when I noticed . . . yes, that guy looks vaguely familiar . . . ugh! Wearing what's formally known as a wife beater and hat turned sideways. That dating site should've given my back my money! Or at least a clothing discount! Note to self: Your idea of what's appropriate dress in certain situations is not always the case--either ask or tell. More importantly, not all whispers are the "jealous of my new man" type of whisper!

Could we ever return to a time when it really meant something to be that "sharp dressed (wo)man"? In  the 1940's and '50's it sure seemed that way. My only reference to former date and dressing attitudes are pictures of my grandparents, and the television show, "Mad Men" but no self-respecting woman would ever leave her house without her pill-box hat and white gloves--to pick up a man or a bag of mangos.

Some women and men who try too hard. For example, in supermarkets and other "casual", or potential date-meeting places, I've seen women wear Carmen Miranda open toed sandals to do their shopping, thinking they are on a new reality show, the "Housewives of (fill in the blank)". Their feet, different shades of pinched red and their toes gripping the front as if to keep their mule from flipping off and landing into the fresh veggie display. A friend of mine calls this "Toe Suicide"--the toes are making a break for it--jumping off the end of the shoe. Again, nothing wrong with putting your best dressed foot forward--as long as that foot isn't squeezed into a pump two sizes too small. Once this year, I used gym equipment after a man who left puddles of cologne instead of sweat on the machines, hoping I guess that it would be the perfect body odor cover . . . hum . . . not so much. Note to self: When possible, bring a comfortable change of shoe along for the ride. (You'll thank me for this!) Oh and, don't wear so much perfume that your scent lingers long after you're gone!

Maybe the 70's are to blame for our casual attitude toward dress and dating. Yeah man, "free love" and tye-dye! A guy I was once set up with makes his own tye-dyed t-shirts. During our ill-fitted date, he asked with doe-eyed abandon, "Have you done mushrooms? I think everyone should try 'schrooms!" Well, I might have considered dating Jerry Garcia and wearing Mukluks, but the closest thing I've come to that scenario is wearing toe socks while scarfing Ben and  Jerry's "Cherry Garcia" ice cream after a bad date!  No thanks! I'm good!